New Brady Bunch!

This journey has continued to be difficult and I still have days where I just cry. Its been almost a year since I shared Part 1 and I am finally ready to share this part with you, not for sympathy, but for education and realization of the kind of people who are really affected by stigma. April 28th, 2014 is the day I made the hardest the decision of my life. After Carissa's suicide attempt and almost losing her we started looking at a different approach. Long term treatment. After a few months of doing my homework I found Project Patch ( http://www.projectpatch.org/ ). I won't bore you with the details involved with getting her accepted to this amazing place but it was a pretty emotional and intense process. Having to relive so many details of the last couple years over and over. The day had finally come for us to drive up to this place and have an interview with staff and counselors to see if we were a good fit. Packing her things from the list of approved items th

Ya know recently I read a terrible article on blended families and the role of the step mother. I mean in my opinion it was terrible, by reading the comments there were some people who thought this chick was accurate. That to me is very unfortunate for those women because to my step daughters I am a "bonus mom" and they are my "bonus kids". I have loved and helped raise them since they were 2 and 3. I find it very absurd to say that you cannot love or feel a deep connection for another kid that is not genetically yours. I mean seriously what the hell?!! What a bunch of cynical bullshit and as we all know I love to discount bullshit so here is my list of just that.....LOL At first I was thinking that I would approach this as a mom who's own daughters had a step mom but then I thought I should really focus on my experience as a step mom. Yeah that makes more sense but for the record my daughters had one the most amazing women as a step mom and I get to call he

I want to start this blog with an acknowledgement that God is good! It has been 2 months now since my daughter has been at the ranch. I would like to report that it has gotten easier but it has not. In all things I do...I am missing my child. I realize that she is safe, she is doing OK, and she is getting some very much needed help; however she is my daughter and I miss her so much words cannot express. However, I am also filled with hope for her future. So when I focus on that I can get through the day and move on to the next one.  When you find out you have a child with a mental illness there are a few stages of emotion that I found to be bizarre and hence my inept ability to cope for quite some time. When I realized that I was not OK I started therapy for myself, what a genius idea!! I have learned so much through this process and mostly that its OK to NOT be OK. I don't have to be strong all the time, I don't have to hide my tears, and I don't have to be a

When in my darkness there is always light.  When I feel my weakest I can always still fight. When all I want to do is cry somehow there is always a smile.  When I think running away will do I manage to sit awhile.  When my faith is tested there is subtle tug on my heart.  When I don't want to pray He helps me start.                                       I cannot explain what I do not see, but I can attest                                   He is so very real to me. This morning I decided to sit on my front porch, breathe in crisp spring air, listen to birds chirping and squirrels running around. It is Sunday and although I do not attend regular church services, God was right here with me. I felt His presence so strong I had tears in  my eyes. This day He has granted me an unmatched peace in my heart, my soul, and my thoughts. Even if it's just this moment I know that all things will be OK and His loving hands are always cradling my precious chi

Greetings and salutations! Today I want to share another story from my childhood in which karma came and bit me in the ass...again! Plans were set and in place, operation sneak out was a go! As I climb out my bedroom window, hop up on the freezer, shimmy across the roof, and jump off the side into driveway...I see headlights coming down the road. I hit the deck just in time to see it turn before if even gets to my house, grrrrr! Whatever brush myself off and commence operation. One block up and 1/2 block over is 3 of my friends and for tonight my accomplices. My neighborhood was very traditional, roads were straight and crossed each other. Blocks were actually blocks and everyone knew everyone, how I got away with half shit I did I will never really know. Except the fact that karma seemed to ensure I was punished accordingly. Now getting to my first friends house was easy he was already out and waiting for me. We have to leap frog the next 2 houses to get our 2nd accompl

When someone wrongs you what is the first thing that you do? Get pissed, write them off, or kick their ass?! I know I personally tell them off and quite possibly never talk to them again. I think that there is something to be said for holding people accountable for being douche bags, and on the other hand there is something to be said for forgiveness.  I think the most important thing in this life that I have learned thus far is that people hurt people. Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes its unintentional. Regardless of the method you have to remember that at some point in our lives we all have wronged someone is some way. Meaning that we are not without our own malice. The power of forgiveness is not to be underestimated. I have experienced some forgiveness both given and received. Both make your heart feel good but if you ask me giving forgiveness that has been denied for a long time, can really put your heart and mind in a very good place. Everyone wants an