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Bonus Mom, Step Mom, or just Dad's wife????

Ya know recently I read a terrible article on blended families and the role of the step mother. I mean in my opinion it was terrible, by reading the comments there were some people who thought this chick was accurate. That to me is very unfortunate for those women because to my step daughters I am a "bonus mom" and they are my "bonus kids". I have loved and helped raise them since they were 2 and 3. I find it very absurd to say that you cannot love or feel a deep connection for another kid that is not genetically yours. I mean seriously what the hell?!! What a bunch of cynical bullshit and as we all know I love to discount bullshit so here is my list of just that.....LOL

 At first I was thinking that I would approach this as a mom who's own daughters had a step mom but then I thought I should really focus on my experience as a step mom. Yeah that makes more sense but for the record my daughters had one the most amazing women as a step mom and I get to call her my friend now.

 Now on to the business...I have been a bonus mom for almost 11 years. It is my trials and tribulations that have helped me realize so many things, good and bad. In fact I have made many mistakes but I have left them at the cross and picked myself up and moved forward. I have learned so much from these amazing kids both the ones I gave birth to and the ones I did not. I am very proud of all of them. I have tried very hard to love, care, nurture, cheer, and support ALL of my kiddos. I think I have done a pretty damn good job too! 

There is so much drama already because families have been divided and kids feel like they have to choose sides. This seriously pisses me off because its not their fault shit didn't work out, they did not ask to have the parents they do, and at the very least parents should be focused on the kids. All to often though it becomes a battle of who is better and who's fault it is that the family is broken now. So when another woman or man comes into the picture, it really does create a whole new set of issues for the children. As the new woman I was judged and I was also the judger. Neither of which feel very good. There was a moment when the girls asked if they could call me mom, and I responded simply they could call me whatever they were comfortable with. I had no expectations of them calling me mom. So they tried it on for a little while and then one day they told me they could not call me mom anymore because their mom said it hurt her feelings. To me this was not a huge deal and I tried to think of it from her point of view. So they have called me Michelle since and that's OK because one less person yelling MOM is OK with me, LOL. 

 I think I might be rambling so let me get to the point of this. You as a grown up have a responsibility to accept your spouses children whether you like them or not, and whether they like you or not. I have read so many stories where these relationships have gone both ways, so I know there is no cookie cutter way to blend families. We all just have to put 100% into the process, and above all stay united with your spouse. You can be a mom to kids you have not given birth to, and you can be a dad to kids you did not father. My daughters call my husband DAD, his daughters call me Michelle, and they refer to me as their Bonus Mom. We are not perfect and still stumble quite often. To err is human and to learn is healthy. 






So no matter what your title might be, you must remember that you are not defined by what other people think of you and honestly who the hell cares? Just love your family ALL of them!


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