New Brady Bunch!

This letter is very personal for me and hard to share. However, I wrote this letter after having a revelation about my relationship with my daughter. After just learning that I don't have to accept the way my daughter treated me on her bad days. That I could still love her just as much and help her just the same if not more by holding her more accountable for her decisions. It only took me 2 years after she tried to kill herself to have this revelation...better late than never right?  My little Sissa,   Hi sweetie! I have been trying to write you a letter since you left. I seem to have a hard time finding the words to say. I love you so much and at the same time I have never been as scared for your future as I am right now.   I want to tell you that everything is going to be ok. To be honest I am not even certain of that anymore. I don’t want this to be a negative letter, however I have so much to say and I know that you might not like some of it. I hope you really know

I wish you could see my daughter the way I see her. You only get to see the worst, or hear about it. The defiance…or mood swings…or outbursts. Or maybe that is what you remember about her, it is always easier to remember the bad things about someone. And our human nature makes it so much more interesting to talk about someone who is labeled “bad” instead of the good that a person has. But if you knew her like I do, you would feel different. You would feel like I do. You would see a loving, beautiful child with dreamy blue eyes. A child who has hopes and dreams.  A child who has feelings.  A child who is hurt often, who feels alone, who carries a burden so big for someone so young.  A child who desperately longs for friends, who wants to be liked and accepted. But has to struggle with the daily sadness of other children avoiding her, ignoring her, or labeling her.  Left out of the crowd. Not invited. On the sidelines, walking alone. Different. I wish you could see her o

 There are a few things I have learned as mom, as a woman, as a human being.   Giving birth does not make you a mom it makes you a mother. Your child is not your property, nor your bargaining tool. Every moment with your child is a gift. Even when it’s really really bad…it’s a gift.   Life is not really easy for anyone, especially our kids. Kids are a lot meaner these days from when I was younger.   Kids dealing with divorce and new families…that’s a lot to take on. That feeling needs to be respected and nurtured. Never ever talk about the absent parent in a negative manner because you are basically telling your kids that they are half of what you are saying.    I have made a lot of mistakes as a mom in the last 16 years and there is quite a few I wish I could make right. The point is I own my mistakes. I do not blame anyone else for them and I apologize when I need to even if it’s to my kids.   As a step-mom or bonus-mom as they call me…there is no r

        December 4 th 1996 @ 7:26pm my life would change forever. I was now a mother, a mom, a parent. I stare into your beautiful blue eyes and know instantly what true love is. Even though I am exhausted from 13 hours of labor, I am rejuvenated the moment they put you on my chest. I cannot put into words all the emotions that entered my heart that day and every day since, but know this, they are immeasurable. I have never been so scared in my life. I had no idea what to do as a mom. I was over zealous, protective, panic stricken, and just plain lost. I know that you were sent to me with a divine purpose, and I have told you many times. You have a piece of my mom with you, which I believe is why you were so perfect for me. I wish she could have met you. She would have loved you, spoiled you, and been so proud of you.       When I took you home for the first time I could not stop staring at you and you could not stop staring at me. We fell asleep many nights together heart b