I wish you could see
my daughter the way I see her. You only get to see the worst, or hear about it.
The defiance…or mood swings…or outbursts. Or maybe that is what you
remember about her, it is always easier to remember the bad things about someone.
And our human nature makes it so much more interesting to talk about someone
who is labeled “bad” instead of the good that a person has. But if you knew her
like I do, you would feel different. You would feel like I do.
You would see a
loving, beautiful child with dreamy blue eyes. A child who has hopes and
dreams. A child who has feelings. A child who is hurt often, who feels alone,
who carries a burden so big for someone so young. A child who desperately longs for friends,
who wants to be liked and accepted. But has to struggle with the daily sadness
of other children avoiding her, ignoring her, or labeling her. Left out of the crowd. Not invited. On the
sidelines, walking alone. Different. I wish you could see her on happy days
when she is in a good place. She is smart and funny, loving and affectionate.
She is caring and loyal, energetic and creative. You may not like her the way
she is. She is a challenge, it’s true. She may have struck out against you or
your child. There is no sympathy for her, or for us, her parents. We must have
done something wrong. We must not be doing our job, right? She just needs
discipline, “My child would never act like that!” But you see, you have not
been there, you don’t know the history. You don’t realize that she has an
illness. An illness that no one likes to talk about, because it affects her
brain, her moods, her actions, her emotions. But my child has an illness that
most people don’t understand; even family members have trouble understanding
it. She has an illness that makes her act out, be “mean,” or rude. Her social
skills are behind; she doesn’t know how to fit in. She is impulsive, loud at
times. She has trouble taking turns. She has “melt downs”. She is intense, can
be bossy, and easily frustrated, sometimes hits. She can’t sit still, she can’t
follow directions. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?!!! Why don’t her parents talk to
her?! Why don’t they DO something?! Why don’t they MAKE her behave?!
Well, we DO talk to
her, model behavior, role play, counsel, set limits, give rewards, give
punishments, give medications, give time, give energy, give love, give
patience, give support, tutor, help, hug, dry tears, forgive, encourage,
tolerate, cry a lot and PRAY a lot. My dreams are that she makes it through the
school year, sometimes just making it through the day. That she makes it
through childhood, adolescence, to grow up. Have a normal life. My prayers are
that she will be happy, be well, have fun, smile. That she will have one
friend, just one or two, that likes her…just the way she is. That will accept
her, support her, and help her to like herself. That is all I ask Dear Lord. I
don’t expect that her illness will go away. I know she will have a life of
stress and sadness, being judged…being labeled…being blamed.
She has so much to
give, she is so wonderful, a gift. She is a shining star, a “wild angel.” But
no one knows, they won’t take the time to find out, to understand, to see the
real her.But I see her. And I
love her…just the way she is.
If you knew her like I
do, you would feel different.
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