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Things I have learned as a mom, as a woman, as a human being

 There are a few things I have learned as mom, as a woman, as a human being.




  Giving birth does not make you a mom it makes you a mother. Your child is not your property, nor your bargaining tool. Every moment with your child is a gift. Even when it’s really really bad…it’s a gift.
  Life is not really easy for anyone, especially our kids. Kids are a lot meaner these days from when I was younger.

  Kids dealing with divorce and new families…that’s a lot to take on. That feeling needs to be respected and nurtured. Never ever talk about the absent parent in a negative manner because you are basically telling your kids that they are half of what you are saying. 



  I have made a lot of mistakes as a mom in the last 16 years and there is quite a few I wish I could make right. The point is I own my mistakes. I do not blame anyone else for them and I apologize when I need to even if it’s to my kids.

  As a step-mom or bonus-mom as they call me…there is no replacing anyone. No matter how pathetic and sad the other parent is you will never be them. You have to respect the relationship that was created before you came along. You do not have to respect the person but you do need to be civil, remember your kids are watching and learning all the time. Do not talk bad about the other parent to the children or where they can hear you. You have to remember that those kids are half of each of you and when you put down one half you are basically sending them the message that they are half bad. I have failed at this a few times and I regret it every day.

  On the other side when you bring another person into your family and they become a step parent to your children, it is very difficult to blend this all together. It takes a lot of work, patience, and understanding. You should really discuss children and morals etc before entering into a relationship with anyone when you have children. Mistakes will be made no doubt, but you have to own up to them and apologize when you have effed up. Children do respect the ability to apologize, contrary to some beliefs it does not mean weakness. It actually means that you love someone more than your pride. Every child deserves that from their parents and step parents.


  I guess the point of my ranting is that I have seen my kids hurt so badly and my bonus kids hurt so badly by the people who were supposed to love them the most. How a kid processes that is that they are not worthy of such love. I wish all the time that I could wave a wand and make it all go away, but I cannot. The most painful feeling I have ever felt is watching my kid’s hearts get broken and there is nothing I can do to fix it. You hold them and squeeze them until the tears stop. You tell them over and over that they are worth it, they are amazing, and that you are proud of them. You love them to the moon and back. There is nothing that you wouldn’t do for them, and they should always come first. 


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