There are a few things I have learned as mom, as a woman, as
a human being.
Giving birth does not make you a mom it makes you a mother. Your
child is not your property, nor your bargaining tool. Every moment with your
child is a gift. Even when it’s really really bad…it’s a gift.
Life is not really easy for anyone, especially our kids.
Kids are a lot meaner these days from when I was younger.
Kids dealing with divorce and new families…that’s a lot to
take on. That feeling needs to be respected and nurtured. Never ever talk about
the absent parent in a negative manner because you are basically telling your
kids that they are half of what you are saying.
I have made a lot of mistakes as a mom in the last 16 years
and there is quite a few I wish I could make right. The point is I own my
mistakes. I do not blame anyone else for them and I apologize when I need to
even if it’s to my kids.
As a step-mom or bonus-mom as they call me…there is no
replacing anyone. No matter how pathetic and sad the other parent is you will
never be them. You have to respect the relationship that was created before you
came along. You do not have to respect the person but you do need to be civil,
remember your kids are watching and learning all the time. Do not talk bad
about the other parent to the children or where they can hear you. You have to
remember that those kids are half of each of you and when you put down one half
you are basically sending them the message that they are half bad. I have
failed at this a few times and I regret it every day.
On the other side when you bring another person into your
family and they become a step parent to your children, it is very difficult to
blend this all together. It takes a lot of work, patience, and understanding. You
should really discuss children and morals etc before entering into a
relationship with anyone when you have children. Mistakes will be made no
doubt, but you have to own up to them and apologize when you have effed up.
Children do respect the ability to apologize, contrary to some beliefs it does
not mean weakness. It actually means that you love someone more than your
pride. Every child deserves that from their parents and step parents.
I guess the point of my ranting is that I have seen my kids
hurt so badly and my bonus kids hurt so badly by the people who were supposed
to love them the most. How a kid processes that is that they are not worthy of
such love. I wish all the time that I could wave a wand and make it all go
away, but I cannot. The most painful feeling I have ever felt is watching my kid’s
hearts get broken and there is nothing I can do to fix it. You hold them and
squeeze them until the tears stop. You tell them over and over that they are worth
it, they are amazing, and that you are proud of them. You love them to the moon
and back. There is nothing that you wouldn’t do for them, and they should
always come first.
Comments
Post a Comment