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The day my momma spit pea soup

Since growing up in Nampa was not really an eventful place to grow up it was pretty awesome. The thing to do mostly was sneak out of your house and meet up with friends to hang out at very random places. The fear of being out at night was not quite as scary as it is today. I would know because I am a chicken shit. LOL
I cannot remember what grade I was in but I think I was a freshman and there was this big party at this guys house I had been crushing on for years. I was going to go no matter what and luckily for me I had two good friends willing to break the rules with me. The plan was set, we would break out at 1030 after momma went to bed.
Why 10:30 you ask? My mom always had to watch the news but could not stand the late night show so she would promptly go to bed at that time. It's funny how predictable she was and just how easy it was for me to get away with my bad decisions. She worked hard all week and slept like a bear in hibernation.
My two friends and I were very anxious watching the clock and picking out our clothes. Putting on our makeup and making sure that we smelled amazing for all the hotties that for sure would be there. Finally the time came and my mom said, "Good night." Woo hoo! We began getting blankets and clothes to make three piles in the bed, obviously to look like our bodies sleeping ever so soundly. I remember wishing I had something that resembled a head like on Ferris Buellers Day Off, alas I had nothing even close. Oh well this will have to do. 
We got my bedroom window open nice and quiet and began to climb out. We made our trek all the way across the big town of Nampa arriving at the party around 11:30 and oh my hell who answers the door? Him!! My crush all 6 ft 5" of him and I honestly thought that I would vomit. Gross I know but that was how my brain signaled to me I was nervous, bunch of shit no doubt. We were just 15 and hell bent on getting drunk and having the time of our lives. This did not turn out so well for me as my good friends were very drunk in like 30 minutes and being dragged off by boys to bedrooms. I don't have to tell what they were planning on doing with my friends, but it rhymes with buck. I felt this overwhelming need to protect them as I knew they were virgins and I was not about to let them be taken advantage of. So I spent literally hours running around this house busting into room cock blocking these dudes. It's mildly funny now but back then I remember being so damn stressed out, and I was exhausted. Eventually everyone just passed out except for him! We hung out and talked for awhile and then passed out ourselves.
Opening my eyes with his arms around me I was in heaven. Nice big stretch and then it hit me.....holy shit! The sun is up, way up! I run around the house trying to find a damn clock...how do these people not have a damn clock? Finally checking the watch of a dude passed out on the couch it was 7:45am. I am in full freak out mode! I gather my friends and wake up the dude with a car. Luckily he lived over by me so he was willing to get up and give us a ride.
We get dropped off about 2 blocks away and walk up to my house through the alley. We sneak in through the back door and as I looked in I could see my mom sitting her recliner and watching tv. I remember thinking omg she must not know that we are gone. Then she got up and went into her bedroom and all three of us scurried like mice into the wall. We get in my room and quickly change into our pj's and get rid of the "bodies" in my bed. Climbing into bed I am starting to really think we just got away with it. 
One of my friends all of sudden had to go pee and she was like I gotta go. I remember this very irrational fear that if she went into the bathroom all would be found out and I would be in big trouble. So stupid I know but whatever I was like 15. She could not hold it anymore and she got up to go....maybe 3 minutes later she comes running back into my room and says, "Here comes your mom!!" What happened next scared the living shit out of me, like literally I thought I might crap myself.
BOOM! My door flies open and there she is pissed as hell. With a voice I have never heard before she asks, "Where have you been?" If it was possible I am quite certain that her head would have spun around and she would have spit out pea soup. I responded with my rehearsed vague answer, "At a friends house." Again she asks and even more scary than the first the time, "Where have you been?" I feel like she could have seen the back of the inside of my skull her eyes were burning into me so deep. Then the truth just came out of my mouth, "I went to a party at Jack's house!" She just stood there and stared at me for what felt like hours, but I know was like 15 seconds. "You may be grounded for the rest of your natural life!" she said. Turned and walked out. Whoa!! WTF just happened? 
That day we had to weed the garden, the neighbors garden, and trim the roses. I was pretty sure she was trying to kill me. 
That was the first and last time my momma ever caught me sneaking out. 

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