New Brady Bunch!

http://www.gofundme.com/carissahopesndreams This is my beautiful daughter Carissa, she is just 14yrs old. We need help to raise $25,000 to get her to the Project Patch Ranch as a  last resort  to help her discover that life is worth living and that she is worth loving. As with most treatment facilities, it comes with a price tag. After going over and over evey avenue a friend told me about this website. The back story...On Jan. 20, 2012 Carissa (who was just 12 at the time) attempted suicide and was admitted to the mental facility in our area for 11 days. She was diagnosed, "manic depressive or bipolar disorder" and a list of acronyms. This began our journey into the world of psychiatrists, therapists, medications, and many, many manic meltdowns. As her mother, I needed to switch gears and find a less demanding job so that I could be her advocate, get her to appointments, and be more available when I am needed. What a great decision and what an amazing job I have now. I...

It was just a few days ago when something got stirred up inside of me and it was so overwhelming I acted on it right away with the first thing I could think of. So much reflection time in my life lately and I was starting to wonder what the hell was I doing with my life. Am I really living the way I should? My greatest joy and pride are my children...ALL of them. Even the ones I didn't give birth to. But I was not feeling like the mom and role model I wanted to be anymore. I found myself being very negative and cursing more than usual when they were around. What kind of woman am I modeling for my daughters? I can tell you what I think.... a bitch! You know when I first married my husband I was always sticking up for his ex, making him treat her with a little more respect. I could not stand the way he treated her regardless of his reasons, she is the mother of his first 2 children. Somewhere over the years lots of mistakes were made on both sides and I chose to just write...

It was a normal weekend night in Meridian and it was all quiet in my house. Relaxing and enjoying the peace because all the kids were in bed and my hubby in bed too. I am sleepy so I decide to go to bed and get some sleep.   As I am drifting off to sleep I think I hear someone in the living room and thinking it was one my kids trying to midnight raid the pantry I get up to take a look. Oddly enough there was no one there, went to the stairs up to the bonus room and listen. I turn on the light waiting to hear someone talking or at least yell at me to turn to the light off. Complete silence so I turn off the light and go back to bed. Again I am drifting off once more I hear the pattering of feet again...this time I know someone is out there so I get up again. Open my bedroom door and take no more than 2 steps out my door and I bump into someone. Oh my sweet Jesus its Carissa! Then the following communication occurs..."AAAHHHH" "AAAHHHH" "AAAAAHHHH, ...

This letter is very personal for me and hard to share. However, I wrote this letter after having a revelation about my relationship with my daughter. After just learning that I don't have to accept the way my daughter treated me on her bad days. That I could still love her just as much and help her just the same if not more by holding her more accountable for her decisions. It only took me 2 years after she tried to kill herself to have this revelation...better late than never right?  My little Sissa,   Hi sweetie! I have been trying to write you a letter since you left. I seem to have a hard time finding the words to say. I love you so much and at the same time I have never been as scared for your future as I am right now.   I want to tell you that everything is going to be ok. To be honest I am not even certain of that anymore. I don’t want this to be a negative letter, however I have so much to say and I know that you might not like some of it. I hope you re...

I wish you could see my daughter the way I see her. You only get to see the worst, or hear about it. The defiance…or mood swings…or outbursts. Or maybe that is what you remember about her, it is always easier to remember the bad things about someone. And our human nature makes it so much more interesting to talk about someone who is labeled “bad” instead of the good that a person has. But if you knew her like I do, you would feel different. You would feel like I do. You would see a loving, beautiful child with dreamy blue eyes. A child who has hopes and dreams.  A child who has feelings.  A child who is hurt often, who feels alone, who carries a burden so big for someone so young.  A child who desperately longs for friends, who wants to be liked and accepted. But has to struggle with the daily sadness of other children avoiding her, ignoring her, or labeling her.  Left out of the crowd. Not invited. On the sidelines, walking alone. Different. I wish ...

 There are a few things I have learned as mom, as a woman, as a human being.   Giving birth does not make you a mom it makes you a mother. Your child is not your property, nor your bargaining tool. Every moment with your child is a gift. Even when it’s really really bad…it’s a gift.   Life is not really easy for anyone, especially our kids. Kids are a lot meaner these days from when I was younger.   Kids dealing with divorce and new families…that’s a lot to take on. That feeling needs to be respected and nurtured. Never ever talk about the absent parent in a negative manner because you are basically telling your kids that they are half of what you are saying.    I have made a lot of mistakes as a mom in the last 16 years and there is quite a few I wish I could make right. The point is I own my mistakes. I do not blame anyone else for them and I apologize when I need to even if it’s to my kids.   As a step-mom or bonus...

        December 4 th 1996 @ 7:26pm my life would change forever. I was now a mother, a mom, a parent. I stare into your beautiful blue eyes and know instantly what true love is. Even though I am exhausted from 13 hours of labor, I am rejuvenated the moment they put you on my chest. I cannot put into words all the emotions that entered my heart that day and every day since, but know this, they are immeasurable. I have never been so scared in my life. I had no idea what to do as a mom. I was over zealous, protective, panic stricken, and just plain lost. I know that you were sent to me with a divine purpose, and I have told you many times. You have a piece of my mom with you, which I believe is why you were so perfect for me. I wish she could have met you. She would have loved you, spoiled you, and been so proud of you.       When I took you home for the first time I could not stop staring at you and you could not stop staring at me. We fell a...